Speak or Behold...

I’ve been pretending to be fine after the discussion even when I’m truly hurting so badly. They only talked about their hurt but they never listened to my hurt at all. Even when I did try to explain, they cut me off and got mad when they’re the ones who demanded me to speak. Always pining the fault on me. They claimed that they wanted and were ready to listen but they didn’t; they never did expect me to actually speak but when I did, they’re only blinded by red after. Because I know the things that I said did affect them and they perfectly know how it affected me twice as much but they’re in denial. Thus, they convinced themselves and me that I was the bad guy all along. They even tried to twist my words to make it seem that I was at fault. They demanded me to talk and yet when I did, they screamed at me. And it didn’t end there though because they still screamed at me even when I decided to stay silent after every word they spat out. Therefore, I decided to stop talking afterwards because it’d waste my time and energy. I’m exhausted. They’d never see the things that I did and thoughts that I had for them because they’d already keyed in the input that I’d forever be the useless child of theirs and how ashamed they really are of me in their brains and nothing could cleanse that title away from their heads even if I tried with all I had. Why? Because nothing matters when it comes to me because I’m indeed just the most useless human being that never contributed anything to the family. Right? So, why does it matter if I’ve decided that I’ve had enough and wanting to end everything myself? It shouldn’t matter to them at all, right? Because they’d never cared; not previously, now and obviously not in the future.