Do you even know...?

Do you even know how difficult it is being alive with no support from the people I trusted the most when I desperately needed it? Do you even know how miserable it feels like not knowing to whom I can talk to because everything that happened to me involves those that I trusted? Do you even know how terrifying it is seeing these people every second of my life and having nowhere to run to whenever I want to? Do you even know how painful it is not being able to reach out to any of these people because they'd never listened to me? Do you even know how many times I've been contemplating to commit suicide just because everyone's pretending that what happened had never happened and they've only been assuming that I'm perfectly fine already now? Do you even know how many times I blamed myself for what had happened to me just because they made me believe it so? And it seems that it still is my fault and always will be regardless of what happens to me. Do you even know how tired I am having to fight my battles alone when all I'd ever asked for is for these people to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay? Do you even know how much I despise myself for what had happened to me? Do you even know how many times I keep on chanting and asking God "Why me?" every single time I look at myself in the mirror? Do you even know how many times I let my mind wanders around with the endless "what if's"? I really can't stand this anymore. It broke me when they betrayed my trust before that it's ruining me now. I just desperately want everything to end.