For the longest time,

For the longest time, I actually forgot how insignificant I really was and how I really had no say in anything ever. However, thank you for reminding me how useless and a good for nothing I really am. Again, thank you.

Not gonna lie, I was already feeling better about myself these past few months but everything came crushing down on me today. I'm done straining my voice to shout asking for help for I know none of these people that I wanted to listen would listen to me ever; not before, now or in the upcoming days. Thus, I've been opting to keep everything to myself rather than wasting my time to talk to any of them.

Am I too much to you?

All I ever wanted and needed was support from you. I don't need yet another number of people blaming me and invalidating my feelings. Regardless of how many years or decades something had happened, my feelings are still valid to this day. I know healing isn't an easy process. I've been dealing with it by myself my whole life. There's ups and downs along the journey. I'd never asked you to be miserable along with me. All I'd ever asked for are your kind and gentle support as well as respect. Nothing more, nothing less. Is my demand too much for you? Am I too much to you?

We're all crazy — perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

You taught me how to get back up and pick up my broken pieces when I needed you the most. You taught me to stand for myself when you couldn't do it prior. You were the one who taught me to let everything go and move on. You taught me to respect myself enough to love all of me; the best and the worst — truly the best of both world. But yet when I finally did, bold of you to question me how I became the person I am today and why I chose to leave in the first place. The audacity of you to think that I'd disrespect myself long enough to not let go of you of all things that I currently have.

Moving on will never be easy but start learning to let go of things and/or people that will drown you down if you're distracted long enough. Hold your ground and be your own anchor to keep yourself sane in the midst of the world's craziness. People are crazy. World is crazy. I'm crazy. We're all crazy — perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

Slowly...

Maybe I'm getting myself used to the fact that no one is permanent regardless of how hard I try to hold onto them. And I'm slowly learning to accept and get myself adapted to it so I can at least minimise the pain that I'm bound to experience soon.

I didn't regret it one bit at all.

Honestly, people leaving is inevitable. It happens all the time. Me opening up to him was a great choice on my side and I didn't regret it one bit at all. But I just know that eventually he'll leave for good too. Truly expected it but it doesn't hurt any less. It's okay. I'll be fine. I was fine before I saw him for the first time and invited him into my life so what's stopping me now? I'll be fine even after he left. It's a shitty feelings indeed after finally realising how insignificant I really am in everyone's life. Shocker.

Pathetic.

Why do I fall in love with people's flaws but never mine? I'm distorted; that's why. I really find beauty in flaws and imperfections. Pathetic.